Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
last night I used snow as a chaser
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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