I think I won the penis lottery.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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