How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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