omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
