david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
