Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
