I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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