I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
