I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
