Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.