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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Have a good day. My vagina shrank.

  Fav 7 851 2024

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize

  Fav 10 4164 1185

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere

  Fav 9 3400 1542

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

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• 

  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.

  Fav 14 1209 2980

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during

  Fav 19 2979 1052

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• (510): View more from California

  A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

  (1-510): View more from California

  Berkeley was the right choice

  Fav 6 1782 726

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• (707): View more from California

  I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.

  Fav 3 1875 735

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• (509): View more from Washington

  While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.

  Fav 4 1481 628

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• 

  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (760): View more from California

  You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.

  Fav 1 844 574

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.

  Fav 3 516 160

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  It's a study aid

  Fav 1 55 28

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?

  Fav 1 12 33

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