I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again