my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me