His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
