apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
