Small penises have feelings too.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
