I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
