Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
