I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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