it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
