My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love you.
Bad choice
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
