If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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