Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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