Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
