I CAN MOONWALK!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
