A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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