i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
