ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
