You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
