so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
