I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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