We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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