You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
