I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
