I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
