I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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