I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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