i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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