She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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