see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
