Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
