I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
