and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
