you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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