I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
