Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
