I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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