and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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