i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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