@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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