Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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