I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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