that's an acceptable place to lick
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
