Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
