when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize