I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
