he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
