thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
