Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize