I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
