Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
