If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize