yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
