i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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