My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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