You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
