At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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