yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
