So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
