That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
