You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
