I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
