College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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