He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
