so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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