yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
