Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
