She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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