Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I AM VODKA MAN
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize