I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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