maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
