I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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