his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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