Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
