I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
