he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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