i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
