Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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