I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
